One of the effects of Aspergers Syndrome is meltdowns or difficulties dealing with too much stimuli. One of the things that sex happens to bring with it is, stimulation in large amounts to all the senses. Thus anyone can see here that Aspergers and Sex can be an interesting and somewhat problematic combination. With my lovely fiance’s permission, I’m going to talk about how Aspergers has effected our sex lives. Its our hope that by stating some of these things we can help others, and even get some help ourselves.
WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS ADULT MATERIAL
Its no secret that sex is stimulating. The touch, the smells, the sights, and the eye contact can be quite a bit for anyone to handle. When you stir Aspergers Syndrome into the mix sex can be a difficult thing. I have to admit the biggest thing I learned with Katelyn when trying to keep a healthy sex life with the difficulties Aspergers Syndrome added to it is the need to keep open and honest communication about our needs and feeling in this department. Once I was able to be open and honest with Katelyn, and she was able to be open and honest with me – it was a much more enjoyable experience.
Lets Get Blunt
For me Aspergers has quite a drastic effect on sex. The feelings, textures, emotions, smells and noises end up getting overwhelming to the point of distracting my mind. I’m not sure if its the fact of all the overwhelming senses or the fact that I was given many different medications when I was younger but the embarrassing truth is I have trouble getting off during sex. When Katelyn and I first started having sex I would fake the orgasm – yes you heard it right, a guy that would fake an orgasm. Finally I told Katelyn after feeling guilty about faking it so many times, and she understood and we talked about it.
Since our conversation Katelyn and I had our first orgasm during sex. (For those that are thinking idiots, Katelyn was already pregnant at this point. That’s a story I’m not going to share.) I’ve had sex with Katelyn many, many times but I have to say after communicating to Katelyn my needs which were taking it slower then we were before I was able to “reach the goal.”
Now even after communicating, me reaching orgasm is quite rare. I often worry if I am doing a good enough job pleasing Katelyn or if I am just a bore. I remember crying after having sex many times because of this and Katelyn telling me that my “elephant trunk was sufficient and pleasing” a reference to the movie Mozart and the Whale. After going through this thing a couple times after sex Katelyn told me she wanted me to finish myself off while she did herself so we both could enjoy it. I felt so loved when she told me that, and to this day if I can’t get off that’s what we do.
What Do You Get Out Of It Then?
So if you don’t ever orgasm during sex – then what do you get out of it? Well I get a lot out of it, seeing the one I love having a good time, being so close to the one I love, the cuddling afterwords, the falling asleep together. I have to say even though I rarely orgasm during sex – I look forward to the closeness and intimacy it offers – and even more so the cuddling afterwords.
If your wanting to comment anonymously on this go ahead as its a personal topic. But I would like to to know if others with Aspergers have similar difficulties?
Check Out These Books For More Info:
- Making Sense of Sex: A Forthright Guide to Puberty, Sex and Relationships for People With Asperger’s Syndrome
- Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships: What People With Asperger Syndrome Really Really Want
- The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome: A guide to an Intimate Relationship with a Partner who has Asperger Syndrome